


Lost

by rosie_red



Series: Fuel [3]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Eating Disorders, Good support network, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Purging, Starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 13:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16811614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosie_red/pseuds/rosie_red
Summary: A series of short one shots based in the work “Fuel” showing more of the daily struggle Prowl is going through that wasn’t in the longer story.





	1. Fear

**Author's Note:**

> I’m struggling right now so I’m venting through writing. Set around chapter 9 of Fuel.

It was strange, how his berth could be so welcoming some nights and others so foreboding. The metal frame audibly creaked in the quiet room as Prowl shook beneath his sheets trying desperately not to disturb the saboteur who was recharging beside him. The dark, once soothing became oppressive, blocking everything from mind except for the _twitch_. The twitch had made itself known 3 days earlier and since, Prowl had been unable to focus on anything else. It was a seizing cramp that fluttered and clenched somewhere deep inside of his fuel tank every hour or so, knocking him sick from both the peculiarity of the sensation and fear. Logically, Prowl knew that it was a likely sign of damage to his tank due to his continued forced purging, and that Ratchet should most certainly be informed. A voice of reason assured him that Ratchet could do something to stop the damned thing. But that didn’t stop the fear that was firmly lodged in the centre point of the tactician’s helm. The fear that it was far too late to prevent lasting damage to his abused systems and the knowledge that, as sympathetic as Ratchet, Jazz, and Optimus were, that it was his own fault.

 _You’re_ _pathetic_ , _why_ _can’t_ _you_ _just_ _deal_ _with_ _your_ _problems_ _like_ _a_ _normal_ _bot?_ _Why_ _can’t_ _you_ _just_ _stop_?

The biting thought echoed in his processor, an entire orchestra of miniature Prowls who could often be drowned out by the words and gentle touches of his berthmate, were free to damn and berate their full sized counterpart. He didn’t deserve assistance, and why should he when he was the one to blame for the issues that plagued him? In times of war preciously hoarded resources should not be wasted on such a useless —

The miniature Prowls began to chastise him again, this time for his use of should’s and fatalistic reasoning that he would certainly shut down if coming from another mech’s vocaliser. He tried to push down the rising panic that threatened to overheat. Taking a shaky invent he rolled to his side, giving him a full view of Jazz’s resting faceplate. The third in command always looked younger in recharge Prowl had come to find, all of the bot’s daily swagger and charm replaced with easy serenity. Settling down Prowl kept his focus on mapping his friend’s face, the lines, well crafted audial horns, and darkened visor. Yes, if there was anything to help keep his processor away from _twitch_ / _fear_ / _fuel_ , this was it.

Though the truth was, as frightening as the twitch’s implications may be, they dulled in comparison to the fear of _himself_ , as not even the threat of potentially permanent damage was enough to stop him now.


	2. Coolant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distract distract distract from that pit inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people with eating disorders will use 0 calorie drinks (water or Diet Coke) to fill up or just taste something without actually having to eat. Thought this translated pretty well to coolant lol
> 
> Set around chapter 3-4 of “Fuel”

“Something up with your cooling systems?”

“Excuse me?” Prowl looked up from the data pad he was working on to stare impassively at Wheeljack who was leaning a casual arm on the wall by his table, his own regular energon cube in hand.

“That’s the 3rd cube of coolant I’ve seen you chug, and I’ve only been here for an hour!” He laughed gesturing vaguely to the rest of the recreation room behind him.

Irritated now, Prowl looked back down to his work in hopes that his frame language would encourage the mech to leave. “I like the taste.”

“Seriously?” The engineer scratched at a glowing audial fin, “Heh, never thought I’d meet anyone that would prefer the taste of coolant over actual Energon. It’s so bland.”

“I’ve always found it quite agreeable.” The blatant lie rolled off his glossa like water over rocks. Prowl found the taste to be as bland as other bots, coolant was a necessity to keep a mech’s systems running within the correct parameters, but it wasn’t generally enjoyable to consume.

“Well if everything’s okay.” Wheeljack said awkwardly. Apparently he had clued into his closed off frame language.

“Yes, quite.” Prowl replied, standing and sub spacing his data pad. “It is about time for me to be getting back to my office anyway. Good day Wheeljack.”

“See you.” The mech threw him a cheerful salute before disappearing from Prowl’s view.

Irritation rolled off him in waves as he walked the route back to his office. Powerglide actually side stepped in order to avoid him as he turned a corner. He hated anyone asking or commenting on his fuelling habits. Unlike energon, coolant could not be used for energy purposes and, more importantly to Prowl, was not rationed due to its easy availability on Earth. He could consume as much as he pleased and not have to worry about those under his care going without. It served another purpose too, filling his tank delayed the painful cramping that came with an empty fuel tanks making it a brilliant solution in Prowl’s mind. This information was not something Prowl wanted to be questioned on. He had a hard enough time convincing himself he liked the taste without other mech’s probing him about it.

Sighing as he rounded his desk, Prowl unsubspaced another cube. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate comments :)


End file.
